====== New Stock Market Terms ======
Due to today's rapidly changing stock market, the following terms
have had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly reflect
today's economic condition:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to
	mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance
	the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
	market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
	equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
	toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
	per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who
	bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year investor who's now locked up in a
	nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.


-- Main.FredPettis - 20 Oct 2008