Due to today's rapidly changing stock market, the following terms have had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly reflect today's economic condition:
CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
per share.
WINDOWS 2000 – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Last year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.
– Main.FredPettis - 20 Oct 2008